Archive for October, 2015

Monday Morning Blues

October 12, 2015
This past weekend has not been the best, especially Sunday.  My diet doesn’t seem to be working and I fell off the wagon of healthy eating.  Sunday,  I had a HUGE glass of ice cream.  Nothing could satisfy me.  I think part of it was just disgust that nothing seems to work with me.  My sugars are still up even though I am taking more insulin.  I have been trying to eat healthy, vegetables and meat and limiting carbs to an occasional sweet potato.  I am taking all my meds as prescribed.  Yet, I don’t seem to be getting anywhere.

My nephew, wrote a blog this morning which captured how I feel.

He calls it a downturn.   It really spoke to me.  He also had a couple of tips to help move on.  For me, it was a moment of just not caring.  Feeling you have done everything right and the results are not what you are looking for.  Have you ever been there?  I think most of us have.  Since I am still not sleeping well at night, I spent much of the night listening to praise music and preaching.  I still got up this morning feeling like a failure.

During my devotion this morning, I unloaded on God.   Remembering how Jesus must have felt on the cross,, I felt ashamed.  Ashamed that I allowed my failures to have so much of an impact on me.

I began searching God’s Word for my answer.  I found this scripture in Exodus.

Exodus 15:2 (ESV)

The Lord is my strength and my song,
and he has become my salvation;
this is my God, and I will praise him,
my father’s God, and I will exalt him.

So my answer is to be found in the Lord, my God.  The Apostle Paul was very familiar with weakness.

2 Corinthians 12:10 Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.

I guess we are in good company when we feel weak.  So what do we do when we encounter these “downturns” in life.  I think my nephew had a couple of great tips to get us moving.

I found these  scriptures in Isaiah.

Isaiah 40:29-31

He gives strength to the weary, And to him who lacks might He increases power. Though youths grow weary and tired, And vigorous young men stumble badly, Yet those who wait for the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.

This lets me  know that God will surely give strength to me regardless of  how I much I feel like a failure.  I wrote these words in my journal this morning.  “My redeemer lives today in my heart and in my soul.”   I can depend on his help when I grow weary and disgusted with myself.  We all need encouragement from time to time and I find it in God’s Word.   Hope you have a wonderful and blessed day.


Moving Forward

October 10, 2015
Another week has flown by.  So many details to take care of.  Another Doctor’s appointment, talking with my pharmacist representative and setting up appointments for next week.  One of my Doctor’s put me back on Gabapentin.  I was on it before for the neuropathy pain in my feet and legs.  It did not help but they want me to try it again.  She felt I wasn’t taking enough of it.  So I start out with 300mg this week and if it is not working, I double the dose the next week.  She believes it will help me to sleep better as well.  I haven’t been sleeping much since Mom passed.

The last week of Mom’s life, I would lay on the bed near her.  I didn’t want her to pass while I was asleep, so I would wake up every little bit and turn over and see if she was still breathing.  I slept with a small light on.  Sometimes, I couldn’t see her chest move up and down so I would sit up until I could see her chest move.  I prayed that God would not let her pass while I was asleep.  I still find myself waking up and looking to see if she is still breathing.

In my prayer time, Monday, a scripture was brought to my remembrance.  Romans 8:28  “And we know that ALL things work together for good to them who love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.”

I started researching this scripture and asked myself what was meant by “the called?”  In Romans 1:7 the word says that we are called to be “holy people”.  In this present age, how many people feel like they are suppose to be holy?  You certainly can’t find too many on TV that have been called to be holy.   On my FB page, there are lots of people who don’t even bother to filter their language.  I don’t usually let it bother me.  I just hide the remark and keep scrolling.  TV channels are the same.  Keep clicking til something comes on (usually old) that I can watch.  I guess I am not too concerned with what other people are doing.  I’m more concerned about what I am doing??

In 1 Peter 1:13-16, Peter writes to believers, “Therefore, prepare your minds for action, keep sober in spirit, fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. As obedient children, do not be conformed to the former lusts which were yours in your ignorance, but like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves also in all your behavior; because it is written, ‘You shall be holy, for I am holy.'” Peter is quoting from Leviticus 11:44 and Leviticus 19:2.

This seems like a tall order.   Be holy in all your behavior.  Surely Peter didn’t mean that for today, yet I think he did.

Romans 11:29 says that “His call is irrevocable.”  The dictionary says that the word irrevocable means,  “not able to be changed, reversed, or recovered; final.”  In simple terms, once you have been called then it is final.   There is no going back.

These thoughts brought me peace and have come back to me this week over and over.  There was a statement in my journal this week.

“Each sunrise is a reminder that Jesus Christ brings us out of darkness and fills our lives with Hs glorious light.”  I looked this up on the internet to see where this came from.  I found many scriptures which indicated that Christ is the light.   In this I am most confident.

I pray you have a wonderful weekend.

Lifestyle Changes and Dealing with Grief

October 5, 2015

Since losing Mom on August 17, 2015, I have spent the last 6 weeks or so, dealing with grief,  Almost every morning I get up and think about what I am going to do for Mom today only to catch myself and remember that Mom is not here any more, at least, in her physical form.  It hurts my heart.

I made a few new beginnings.  I have gone to my Doctor and am dealing with my blood sugars which are too high.  I pay attention to my insulin and sugar readings.  I am paying close attention to what I am eating and drinking.

No more  drinking the wrong things.  Nothing  but lemon water, and hot tea now.  Eating NO sugar, No white potatoes, limiting carbs and replacing with vegetables.  That’s my new lifestyle. I am eating No pork or gluten either.

My blood sugars have come down some but not enough.  The doctors have had me increase insulin (Lantus) but my sugars are still high.  My fasting Blood Sugar this morning is 182.

On the positive side, I have lost 11 pounds since September 2nd.  I imagine most of that weight is water weight but I will still take it.  The nutritionist is going to call me this week and we will probably discuss portion sizes and see why I am not losing more.  I know I need to incorporate more exercise into my lifestyle changes.  Something I intend to do soon.

My nephew writes a blog, Dream Big, Dream Often  In this blog, he mentioned getting up early and making his bed.  It helped him to get the day started on the right foot.   I realized that I needed to start this habit.  When I was taking care of Mom, I just was not making my bed.   That has changed.  I get up and make my bed now.

I also make sure I take my medicine.   I had been putting myself on the last item on my to do list.  Trying to change that isn’t easy.  New habits are hard to form.    Here is a good article on the time it takes to form new habits if you are interested.

Dealing with grief is a difficult process.  One day at a time.

Blessings to you.

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